He has finally asked again. This is the fourth time he has asked me. The first time he asked, I chuckled and laughed it off. He must be kidding, I thought to myself. The second and third time, I kind of chuckled and I told him “he has me”. The fourth time he asked, he was serious. He looked me straight in my face and asked me, “when will I get a new step-dad?” Now, I knew he was serious. I asked him, “why do you keep asking for a step-dad when you have me?” My oldest laid down in numerical order why he wants a new step-dad and I was stunned. I mean I new this day would come, but I did not think this would happen so soon. For those who have been following my story knows my divorce was granted last year, but my single parent household has been pushing about three years now.
My oldest son, the child full of optimism and a lowkey counselor is observant and persistent. He knows what he wants. I know not having a father in his life is a missing piece to his puzzle. I always look for ways and resources to fulfill that gap. We participate in Cubs Scouts so that he can see other men in the community giving back and doing service (side note: they do need more men of color actively participating in this organization). He actively plays sports and participates in other organizations. I can see the look on his face when he sees other kids and their dads at events helping them. In my mind, I always thought, I got this. I can handle it all. However, my son needs more, and I am realizing that I can not do it all. I can’t be everything and I know I can’t provide him with all the resources and skills and needs to become a man. But I am DAMN sure trying! I may not be able to fulfill that father role, but I can try to do my best to make sure he doesn’t miss out on opportunities that other children in a two-parent household have.
As a parent we want the best for our children, always and forever. We put away our ego and selfish ways and provide them with the best life that we can possible give. Now, I know, this does not apply to every parent, but to most. At this time, I had to explain to my son that it is just “mom” and maybe one day you may have a step-dad, but at this moment you have me and I will be there for you for anything that you need and all major milestone and events that happen.
Now, the questions of when or if there will be a step-dad in the picture… I don’t even know. Lol. In my previous posts about dating, it’s hard out here. I’m not going to say NEVER but definitely not right now. I was recently watching an episode of Grey’s Anatomy when Meredith Grey’s daughter Zola asked Meredith, “Are you ever going to get married again?” Meredith’s response, “I don’t think so Zo Zo. I already had one great love in my life. I don’t want to be too greedy.” I loved Zola’s response ” Mom, I don’t think love is like candy, I don’t think you can be too greedy for it and I don’t think you can fill up on it.” *tears* I love how kids see things so pure and with so much love.
I definitely would love to hear from those who have been in this situation to drop some words of wisdom down below.
As always… love life and full of smiles